File under: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Just when you thought the movie industry couldn’t possibly get any worse. . .

Once in every generation, a moment comes that is so defining, so paradigm-altering, so world-shaking, that you spend the rest of your life telling people where you were when you heard it. It goes beyond making history to shaping the future, and yes, even giving a generation a rallying point and identity. For our generation, that moment came today when Variety announced Nicholas Cage is in talks to star in the reboot of the apocalyptic Left Behind film franchise. (The original trilogy, as we all know, starred Kirk Cameron.) The $15 million film will shoot in the spring and is slated for wide release in fourth quarter, 2013. It’s hard to know what to say at moments like this, when reality suddenly seems too vast for words. The only thing you can do is find your friends and loved ones, hold them tight, and mark the day for your children and your children’s children, so that you can tell them, “I was there. I was there the day Nicholas Cage agreed to star in a Left Behind movie.” And they will weep, just like you are now …